Dirty Jokes

What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.

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I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

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Q: Why did the dick go to the 7-11? A: To get a slurpee.

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What's 72?

69 with 3 people watching!

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What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?

Not everyone's been in a 747!

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 Why is 77 better than 69? 'Cause you get 8 more!

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<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> What is 6.9?

A really great thing ruined by a damn period.

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> ______________________________________________

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> Q: What comes after 69?

A: Mouthwash.

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> ______________________________________________

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> ______________________________________________

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Warming up your dinner."

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> ______________________________________________

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> ______________________________________________

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> ______________________________________________

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">"Can I touch it?"

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">"No way -- you already broke yours off!"

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">____________________________________________________________

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts?

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">Silicon Valley.

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">____________________________________________________________

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> A man wants to join the Big Dick Club, and heads down to the club to apply. The receptionist looks at him skeptically and asks him how large his dick is. "18 inches," he replies, proudly. To his surprise, the receptionist begins laughing uncontrollably, and the man leaves in shame. On the way out, he runs into the janitor, who asks him what's wrong. After he explains, he says to the man not to worry. "See that lump in my sock?" The man nods. "And I'm just the janitor."

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);"> ______________________________________________

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">What do a blonde and a barn have in common?

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">

<p style="box-sizing:border-box;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:jubilat;font-size:1.5625em;line-height:1.6em;max-width:30em;color:rgb(36,36,36);">They always have a cock in them.